I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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