Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Ladies don't puke and tell