Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

my mouth tastes like poor choices

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(401): my mouth tastes like poor choices http://tfl.nu/2d46

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(813): View more from Florida

Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that

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(813): Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that <code></code> http://tfl.nu/dm03

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(212): View more from New York

He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"

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(212): He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances," http://tfl.nu/u663

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(330): View more from Ohio

I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.

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(330): I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life. http://tfl.nu/a68j

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(972): View more from Texas

You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.

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(972): You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried. http://tfl.nu/sffp

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(502): View more from Kentucky

It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament

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(502): It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament http://tfl.nu/u7ze

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(540): View more from Virginia

I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments

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(540): I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments http://tfl.nu/peng

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.

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(610): I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs. http://tfl.nu/uj0s

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night

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(412): My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night http://tfl.nu/pds9

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(925): View more from California

I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??

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(925): I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing?? http://tfl.nu/da8e

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"

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(215): Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober" http://tfl.nu/vzc2

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(415): View more from California

Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point

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(415): Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point http://tfl.nu/8yzz

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(804): View more from Virginia

she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.

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(804): she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener. http://tfl.nu/h6je

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(937): View more from Ohio

so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.

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(937): so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency. http://tfl.nu/1ixd

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(850): View more from Florida

She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING

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(850): She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING http://tfl.nu/6jxf

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