I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.