he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?