Banned from zoo.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice