Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Randomize
