just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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