Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
