i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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