Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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