time to smoke my breakfast
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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