Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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