lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
