I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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