I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We need a shit load of segways right now
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
