omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
