don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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