Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
