where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NoShamevember. You game?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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