I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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