If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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