Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
