I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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