But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
