I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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