Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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