Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Randomize
