I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
