Whod you bang
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
