I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Randomize
