I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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