you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
