I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
