i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
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Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
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I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He shit in the fireplace
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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