you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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