I'm really into asian looking animals
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
