Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
The struggles of a small town man whore
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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