Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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