p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
