i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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