Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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