you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
