I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
