Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
