He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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