Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
