A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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