I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
