Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
