Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
