my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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