I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
