I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
