this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just had sex on a roof
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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