New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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