When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
did you just send me my own nude
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
