I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
