An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
