shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
