dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
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just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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