$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
