He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
