you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
