Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
The struggles of a small town man whore
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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