He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
