i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
