you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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