Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
