If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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