so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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