It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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