Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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