please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
