i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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