i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
