You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
