i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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