There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
