Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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