yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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