She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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