Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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