I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
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