Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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