I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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