Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
