so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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