Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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