Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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