i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
