My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
